SUMMARY: Renewing or Releasing the Relationship
The preference is always to renew unless there is a question of safety.
Ask for what you need from the perpetrator in order to renew or release the relationship.
You may need an apology, an explanation, a tangible object, or to never see that person again.
Look at your part in any conflict.
When you renew a relationship, it is stronger for what you have been through, but it is always different.
By renewing or releasing a relationship you free yourself from victimhood and trauma.
Meditation
Releasing or Renewing
1. Enter your place of safety.
2. Invite your trusted and affirming companion to sit with you.
3. Allow yourself to feel all the hope and any anxiety that surrounds your relationship with the person you have forgiven.
4. Describe your hopes and fears to your companion.
5. Your companion will not judge your hopes, your fears, or your decisions. Your companion will affirm your inner wisdom.
6. When you feel settled in your choices, you can leave this space.
Stone Ritual
Renewing or Releasing the Stone
1. Decide whether you will turn your stone into a new thing of beauty or re- lease it back into nature.
2. If you have chosen to renew the stone, decide how you will paint it or decorate it. You may also choose to turn it into something useful in your home or garden.
3. If you have chosen to release your stone, you may take it back to the place you found it and set it down, or you may take it to a new place that is meaningful to you.
4. Nothing is wasted. Everything, even a stone, has its purpose.
Make Something Beautiful
1. You will need some art supplies (glue, paint, colored paper, markers, fabric).
2. You will also need a bag.
3. You will complete this exercise using something you consider beautiful and breakable, such as a cup, plate, or tile. (If you cannot use a breakable item, substitute a picture from a magazine, a photograph, or a piece of patterned fabric.)
4. Place the breakable item inside the bag and use your stone to smash the item. (If using a photograph or picture, then use your stone to scrape, scratch, or tear it.)
5. Now use the resulting shards or shreds and your supplies to make something beautiful.
Journal Exercise
1. Was it possible to make something beautiful from what you had?
2. How difficult was it to do so?
3. How closely did your new creation resemble the item you damaged?
4. Could it serve the same function as the original?
5. What did you learn about renewing and releasing as you engaged in this exercise?
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As we continue in our book study, we encourage you to purchase Desmond and Mpho Tutu's The Book of Forgiving which is available as a hard copy, audiobook, and ebook. All of the above comes directly from the end of each chapter. If your finances are preventing you from purchasing the book, please reach out to Pastor Sarah.
Tutu, Mpho, and Tutu, Desmond. The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World. United States, HarperCollins, 2014.